He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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