I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
