Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
