It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
