Everything about him screamed your future.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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