just come out here and I will go home with you...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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