should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
