my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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