when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
