Don't you send me to vm
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
