Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
