lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize