Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
