What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize