my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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