At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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