Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
