ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
