First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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