Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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