i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
