i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize