but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
