I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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