I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you didnt know i had herpes?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
