i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize