Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
