I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize