I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My liver just broke up with me...
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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