We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
