Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
