i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
