So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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