We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
