What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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