I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
