dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
