hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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