so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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