it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize