do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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