if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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