On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
