If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize