I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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