Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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