I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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