And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
