note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
