shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
His hands were made for my vagina.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
