You smell like a Billy Joel song
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
