so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
