I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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