awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
