Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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