Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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