i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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