her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
