Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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