I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
