Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
