fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
