My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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