Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
