What a fucking waste of an outfit
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
