first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
