He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
