I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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