People in love make me want to vomit
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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