1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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