We're facebook friends in real life
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
