I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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