he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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